Just finished

...reading this:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. I didn't want to put it down. Although its only short (231 pages) I read it over quite a long period of time (I read it during lunch breaks and what not) but it was easy to get back into each time.

If you've ever felt a little "different" then I strongly recommend this book.

"I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there."

Quick Update

The gig Monday was awesome. My bf took some great pictures with his new camera...which I'm waiting to get off him. The only thing that let the gig down was the merchandise. I was beyond excited about spending a fortune on bits n bobs, but as it was a small venue there was only a tiny merch stall. Literally only selling 1 tshirt which was £5 more than it is to buy online. So I didn't get anything, which is the first time in ages at a gig. I always like to buy something as a momento from the night. Anyhoo as soon as I got home yesterday I went on their website and brought everything I was hoping would be available at the gig hehe.

My bf and I also went to the cinema last night. We saw a preview of Get Him To The Greek. It was pretty funny. If you like Forgetting Sarah Marshall then I would recommend this movie.

I don't have much else to report at the moment, it's weird not having as much free time as I've been used too over the last 2 years. When I spend time with my bf I don't get to browse online, and then the new job has taken away all my time wasting, so hopefully I'll catch up on my favourite website tonight and have something interesting to post tomorrow.

Gig 3

Going to see We Are Scientists tomorrow. Can't wait!!!! They're my favourite current band and the venue is great because it's tiny. This is like the 7th or 8th time I've seen them and they're always amazing. They're total goons and are hilarious when they're chatting in between songs. I'm going to spend a fortune on merchandise the Tshirts are always awesome. Yay can't wait!!!!

Wednesday Wishlist

So I've survived the half way mark of my first week at work. It's definitely been a shock to the system. I haven't needed to use my brain in nearly 2 years, I'm really quite slow now - I hope I haven't caused permanent damage hehe. It's also very tiring with the early hours and walking etc but it hasn't been too bad I just hope I haven't done anything wrong.

Anyhoot so now I'm a walking gal (I don't know how long I'll last - for some reason I'm rather worried they'll get rid of me) I finally get a wage (next week) so I should have a little more spending money than usual. So whats better to do with money than buy stuff?! Everyone likes stuff right!?

So I thought I'd start a wishlist:

*First up some Vegan food bits, as previously mentioned I've wanted to try the marshmallows for ages, and the cola cubes.....well why not!?! -Veganstore.co.uk


*Just for hilarity and funness:

(Yea that's right KISS Vans! - I probably wouldn't wear them but I want them!)

*True Blood season 2

*A Haircut- It's been so long I have total hippy hair at the moment and it needs to be cut. The only problem is that I hate going to the hair dressers.

Plus any other goodies I can get my hands on. Look out for future Wednesday Wishlists :)

My Weekend

My weekend has been pleasant. Saturday my bf and I went to a few charity shops. We seemed to have loads of bags but can't think what I brought all I remember is buying a few old VHS of 80s hair metal bands.

Today we went to the Horse Sanctuary again. They had another open day, so there was a cute table sale and home made cakes etc. We got vegan hot dogs, brought another 80s hair metal music video. Petted the horses. I really enjoy going there. We're only there for about an hour but it's fun. Plus there's dogs too, people bring them along and I'm a total goon for a pooch. I spied one last time that I wanted to steal and he was back again today hehe I got a sneaky spy picture of him. Before we were leaving I had a walk around to try and find him so I could stroke the pooch but didn't get a chance :( next time I will make contact hehe.










I start my job tomorrow. I am dreading it. I think at the moment I'm more getting into a mental flap about the bus there than the actual job. What I am hoping though is that this job although it's not a physical job will help me loose some of the weight that I've gained whilst I've been unemployed. So I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow and then fingers crossed next Monday there will be a positive change. I'll be eating hopefully less and my eating times will be more structured. Plus I'm going to make an effort to get back to eating more healthily again, as I've slipped a little off the wagon whilst I've been down. I'm also thinking about walking home rather than getting the bus. There's a 25 minute wait for the bus after work and then once I get off the bus my walk home, that will be a total of about 55 minutes, whereas if I walk directly home it will take about 40minutes. So I'm thinking bus there in the mornings (which will include 15min walk) and walk home. So that will be good bit of exercise for me. The place I'm going to work for has an on site gym, but the thought of working out with work colleagues doesn't thrill me.....we'll see maybe in time, or maybe I wont last longer than a day there anyway. Nervous nervous nervous!

So for the rest of the evening I'm just going to flap about with work related things. Wish me luck, I'll need it.

Embarrassing Crushes

After watching a film yesterday I was reminded of an embarrassing/unusual crush I have on a certain actor. Which has lead to today's post (if you couldn't already tell from the title) yes it's about embarrassing crushes.

So to start this off, I will begin with the actor that inspired this post.

Chevy Chase-He actually looks like a fox in this picture so not that shameful. But yes I can't watch Christmas Vacation without developing a slight crush on him......maybe it's the crazy eyes he always does hehe.

Next up.....

Jack Black-Not only is he a totally hilarious goon, he's also rather cute, he has a cheeky sparkle in his eyes.

This one is odd.....

Alan Ruck but more specifically as Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller's Day Off-
Whilst most most girls would watch this film and be crushing on Ferris I always took a liking to Cameron. I think it was mainly his neurotic personality that swayed me.


Seth Green-The guy is cute. As a bonus he wears thick rimmed glasses, and I'm a sucker for some geeky specs. Also he has kiddy teeth which is endearing and he's rather funny too.


Jason Lee as Brian Shelby in Vanilla Sky-
And pretty much anytime really, Mallrats, Almost famous, Dreamcatcher (Specs!!) etc etc.

Jim Carrey-Yup I specifically chose a picture with him wearing glasses but still I think Jim is actually a handsome guy, sometimes it's just lost behind all his wackiness.

Jesse Eisenburg-This dude has only done like 2 movies (OK I've only seen 2 of his movies) Adventureland and Zombieland but during both his cute awkward geeky ways grew on me.

Lastly and possibly my most shameful........

Robert Pattinson-Why my most shameful? you may ask. Well it's because it's so cliche to be crushing on RPatz. I want to not think he's cute, but the guy is cute. He's a brooding vampire and that's normally a winning formula for crush material, but I also dig his homeless casual look...... although some times he can look rather dirty and not in a good way.

Well that's it, if I think of any other's I'll do a part 2.

Who are your embarrassing crushes???

SATC 2

I like most women appreciate a chick flick every now and then; so I was pretty excited to see SATC2. I had watched the show when it was on TV (I even own a few of the series on boxset) and I thoroughly enjoyed the first movie. I didn't really have any expectations for the 2nd one, I try and not read reviews before a film as whenever I do that I find out everything that happens and then it's ruined. So I went to the cinema with an open mind, although my own personal opinion was that I wasn't quite sure what exactly would be in this film as it was all nicely concluded in the first one.

The movie was enjoyable. It sticks to the usual SATC formula.......fashion/sex/humour etc etc and definitely kept me entertained the entire 145 minutes. However I walked away with a smile on my face but thinking what was the point?
As much as it was a good film and I'll probably buy it when its out on DVD, it really didn't seem like there was much of a story to tell in this movie. It feels like it was just a cash in on the first movies success.
The first 40minutes or so have no baring really on the rest of the movie and it seems certain parts were added in just so there were teaser pictures before the movies release e.g., the wedding- whose will it be!?! and Smith Jerrod- come on who's not a fan.

I don't want to go into the plot too much as I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it, so here's a brief overview of events:
A wedding
Marriage worries
Samantha has a business trip to Abu Dhabi and brings the girls along
Carrie bumps into an old flame
Samantha freaks out without her pills and potions
Charlotte and Miranda discuss the stresses of motherhood
Problems are resolved
Happy ending

I would recommend SATC2 it was funny and it's nice to have a girly night out, but I would say don't expect too much.

Geekoid

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a bit of a geek. Many things make up said geekiness.
One part of this is .........I'm 26 and I enjoy the Twilight Saga. I'm not a crazy obsessed fan (although my bf has brought me a Tshirt and an Edward "action figure"- but that was his choice not mine) but I really enjoyed the books and the first movie, the second movie not so much (I think mainly I had built it up so much in my mind that I was disappointed....... it also didn't help the cinema was filled with teenage girls screaming whenever Ed or Jacob came on.) I'm looking forward to Eclipse but I'm probably going to try and go to an 18+ viewing of it.
Well to get to my actual point of this post, there's this new spin off book, The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner.


I contemplated pre-ordering/buying it but thought about the cost and the fact that it's not really got the main Twilight characters in it, so couldn't be bothered, although I did keep checking to see if the price had gone down. Well anyway yesterday I discovered that you can read it online for FREE until the 5th of July. So that's what I've been doing, it's not a long book ... I think only 178 pages and I'm about 100 in so far. I'm super pleased I discovered it, as it cures my curiosity about the book and saves me some cash. So I thought I'd share this info with others who may also be curious (perhaps I'm the last to know!?!) but yes if you'd like to read the book for free, just click on the picture above and it will take you to the website!


Now I would also like to point out as a side note, that I believe my enjoyment of Twilight (and in fact most vampire films/programmes etc) stems from my love of the Buffy & Angel series. Yes I know it's "so like 10 years ago!" but I would still put them down as my favourite TV shows on a questionnaire hehe. My best friend and I loved those shows so much and often over a cocktail still discuss them.
Yes my green tea this morning was sipped from a Buffy mug - which originally had come with an Easter egg - thanks mum :)
Yes I brought the boxsets on vhs when they cost about £30 a go (that's 11 for Buffy and I think 11 for angel - that was a ton of money for a teenager that wasn't working).
Yes I own annuals, books, tshirt and even a bracelet I think.
I obviously no longer wear such things.......my Buffy tshirt did look delightful with my pink dog collar back in the day (CRINGE- remember it was 10 years ago!!!).
But yes I love me some Buffy and Angel, my love of those shows has lead me to like Twilight and True Blood (Can't wait for season 3!!!- and this is totally not teeny) I also have taken to watching Vampire Diaries which is bad....but good, I'm easily sucked (har-di-har) in!
I think the main reason for humiliating myself with that bit of info is that I'd like to point out I'm an "old school" teen vampire fan. It feels wrong to enjoy things at 26 that are aimed at 16 year olds, so to make myself feel better I know it all really started when I was 16, and the fact that I know I'm not alone; even if it's just me and my best friend that are old but still like the teen vampire silliness.

EDIT- I don't know how blogger works, but every time you edit a post and then click publish does it show in the blogger buzz again. I swear I checked this post like 5 times before publishing it, yet there were still errors, grr it bugs me. So sorry if this is in your feed like 5 times hehe!

Vegan Fudge

(Please excuse the buns, he was pretty excited too hehe)

I'm always on the look out for vegan/vegetarian food to try. While looking for some Eat Natural bars in my local Waitrose store I came across their free from products.
There sitting on the shelf was: Fabulous Fudge Factory - Dairy Free Fudge. I was super excited. I've seen vegan fudge online and wanted to buy it but shipping gets pricey and when it's only me wanting to just taste test things I don't really want to pay shipping prices.
Anyhoot the fudge itself was rather pricey £2.99 for this bag, but I threw caution to the wind and got them anyway. I was hoping so bad that there would be some vegan marshmallows but after several scans of the shelf I realised they didn't have any.......... I really have to order some online.....maybe with my first wages!?!
So as soon as I got home I had to try them. Now I don't really remember what fudge tastes like, it's not like it's the type of food you eat on a daily basis so my memory of "normal" fudge compared to vegan fudge is hazy.
I will say this though, that I found the vegan fudge tasty, not mind blowingly yummy but good enough to eat, although only a few pieces, so I guess that means they'll last a while. I will state though that my bf did not enjoy them...... sometimes though I think just the word vegan before a food item is enough to put him off.

But yay for Waitrose for stocking them, I'll have to go back there soon to see what else I can discover :)

Am I an Alien?

Sometimes I feel so different to everyone around me that I wonder what planet I am from.
Everyone seems to be where they're meant to be, career wise, getting married, having kids, madly in love etc etc.
And that's just not me.
I don't want to have kids. I don't want to get married. I've been with my bf for over 4 & a half years and I love him, but I'm not madly in love and don't think I ever have been. I don't even know if I should be with him. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want to do or be.
Sometimes I feel so lost and alone.
I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to, when I've tried in the past they don't "get it". I feel like I'm the only person that's ever felt this way.
I sometimes try to convince myself that although things are shitty that this will all one day lead to something good and get me where I'm meant to be going.
But it never has, I've always just been stuck in a miserable situation. Perhaps some people are meant to be miserable.
I wish I could just be "normal", I wish I didn't feel this way.

A case of the Monday's

(This is from Office Space - if you haven't seen it you should, it's hilarious)

So after 2 years of looking for work and never hearing back from anyone, getting no where, and hideous job centre trips.
Today I got a job!
I thought that the day I finally got a job I'd be so happy that I'd cry. Well the opposite happened, on my cab ride home I was so hideously underwhelmed that I've been crying since.
I so don't want this job, but there's no way I can't not do it. Everyone has patiently been waiting for me to get a job and there's no way that now someone has finally offered me one, that I can say no.

I hate how I've been "designed". I am someone who just does not belong in an office environment but I'm literally not good for anything else. I wish I was good at something or passionate about something.

Here's my Pros & Cons list for this job:

Pros:
Wages!!!! OMG finally guilt free money ....... I'll be able to splash out on a hair cut. Goodbye hippy hair.
Work experience - Something else to add to the old CV.
Interacting with people - I'm not a social butterfly but for the last year my main conversations are with my rabbit.
Exercise - I've literally gained nearly 2stone since being unemployed.
Various other money related benefits - House keep/Savings/Clothes/Treating my bf etc etc

Cons:
I hate office work - You have to act like it's the most important job in the world, but really you don't give a shit. But as I'm someone who worries a lot the not caring but caring attitude is an odd place to be hehe.
People don't tend to like me - Because I'm too quiet, odd, different etc etc
I feel self conscious - Because I'm too quiet, odd, different etc etc
There's no one in my age group - Everyone in the office I'll be working in is 40+ and everyone else in the building seem super young 17-20s.
I'll have to get the bus there and back - The idea of getting the bus makes me feel like I'm 15 again getting the bus to school and worrying what people are doing behind my back. I also get anxious about making it to a seat before the bus starts moving and I go flying.
There's no where to go on lunch breaks - Well there's a cafeteria but I don't like sitting in those places. And there's no where to walk to outside. My old job was near a town so I'd just look round the shops. This one is near a supermarket...........I can't go there everyday!?!
I'm scared of going back to work after so long - I've never been a super confident person, but 2 years of rejection, weight gain, not seeing many people, have all taken their toll. Also getting up and getting there on time has never been a strong point for me, throw in getting a bus eek.
I wont get to spend much time with my buns :( - As sad as it sounds that a 26yr old has a pet rabbit, I am not ashamed to say that I love him to absolute pieces. He has helped get me through a real shitty time in my life and gave me something to focus on. I spend basically all my day with my rabbit and I'll miss not hanging out with him as much.
I don't want to work there hehe - My life seems to be full of things I don't want to do and very little things that I do.


Grrrr argh!

Friday Cuteness

Capybara

Gosh I want to hug one of these guys so bad. They're so cute!!!
I only discovered these creatures existed a few months ago. I wanted to spread the Capybara love.

Capybara Facts:
* They are the largest living rodents.
* One of it's closest relatives are Guinea Pigs.
* They grow up to 4ft and weigh as much as 140lbs!
* They reside in South America.
* They're Semi-aquatic.
* They can survive under water for up to 5 minutes.

* They hang out in groups - usually around 10-30.
* They can purr, grunt, squeak and whistle.
* They are gentle creatures and enjoy being petted.
* Some keep them as pets in the United States & Canada.

I want one :)

(Most info found on wiki and pics were googled)

Things to look forward to: June

There are a few things I'm looking forward to this month:

The local(ish) horse sanctuary are having another open day. I'm hoping I can make my Bf go there again. It was a really nice day out before not only were there horses but lots of people brought their dogs, and I'm a total softy for a pooch.

The new Charlaine Harris book is coming out (it wont look like this but I couldn't find a pic of the UK release). Yay! They're super addictive although I did read the previous 9 consecutively, so hopefully I'll still be able to get into this one as easily. Equally as exciting.....

Season 3 starts this month! I'm so friggin excited about this it's untrue. As the UK has to wait for way too long for these programmes to come on to our screens, I'm going to geek it up online. The only problem is with shows I like I enjoy devouring the whole series in 1 or 2 sittings, so it's going to be hard waiting a week in between each one.....life is cruel sometimes hehe.

Hopefully I'll be going to the cinema to see this. I loved the show and the first movie was great, I hope the 2nd one will be just as good. However the posters for this movie are awful, someone has gone a little photoshop happy and morphed everyone beyond recognition.

One of my favourite bands have a new album out this month. Again I'm really excited about this. I've pre-ordered it and a limited amount have been signed by the band so fingers crossed I snag one of those.

Lastly that very same band are touring, so I have gig no.3 to look forward to this month. This band are awesome live, they're super funny and are always amazing. I've been to the venue once before and I can't wait to see them play there. The venue is so small so where ever I stand I'll get a great view (this is often a problem for someone who's 5'2) and hopefully some great pictures too. I've sold a bunch of bits on ebay so I'll have spending money, their merchandise is usually amazing so I'm making sure I have plenty of funds to buy lots.

Lots of things to look forward to this month, hopefully it all goes to plan :)



Things I'm not looking forward to:
*2yrs since my Dad passed away - It's not getting easier
*Yet more job rejections and thus more trips to the job centre